Home/return

So I just got back to school from a fantastic five days in Kelowna. I miss it there so much but I've decided I'm not going to let that consume me anymore. School isn't that bad, it is just hard when crap is going on. I've decided I need to start embracing this place while I'm here and soaking it all in.
Anyways, just a brief update on my vacation home. I had so much fun, I didn't quite get to see some people as much as I would have liked to though, which I'll admit sucked out loud but you can't always get what you want. I saw a certain someone a lot though which made my life oh so much better. I've discovered that I have become more self-conscious about who I am around him now. Its weird because I could have cared less before. Whatever though, I'll get over it I'm just being a loser right now.
Now for being back. I've been back for a whole two days and already I know that this last part of semester one is going to be better. As hard as it can be for some people to believe, I needed to go home. There is no question about it, I am an independent person and as much as I know I need people to help me through things when it comes down to it I need to also take time by myself and here I just couldn't do that. I thank God that I had the opportunity to go home.
I find that with everything that's going on I have started to feel so self conscious, its weird. I mean I've never quite been one to be overly obsessed with how others view me but I have been. I can't really help it I just feel like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything. Its weird though because as much as I feel this way I know its not true. I know that God doesn't see me as worthless and even though its hard to believe that, just knowing it helps. Sometimes life is hard to love, but I think in these times we need to remember why we're living it. That helps me anyways.

Ministry, Midterms and Misery.

This week has been hell for everyone here at Summit as we got ever so blessed with these little celebrations of learning called 'Midterm Exams'. Stress levels were high and ever so friendly faces were burdened with late nights and stress. On top of this Sunday was a horrible day for a lot of people as they lost on of their friends. A graduate from here died on Sunday after battling bacterial meningitis. I didn't know her but watching everyone grieve and today while I was at the memorial service for her I realized that this wasn't just anybody. This was a 22 year girl who was just embarking on life and that even then she had touched so many peoples lives. It was just so real and makes you think about life and how the father could be taking us home any second.
Almost directly after the wildfire of midterms had been drenched I got a phone call. This was not a good phone call; farthest thing from it. I got some news that I'm not sure how to deal with. I'm not going to elaborate here or now, but if you know me and read the newspaper you know. I feel so numb to life right now. Almost like I'm not living it because what has happened it just so left field that I don't even know what to do with it.
Yesterday I seriously just felt as though God hated me. I feel as though in my life I never seem to get a break and for the first time it got to me. I see so many people who have it all together and don't have this crap happen but then I look at my own life and I wonder why? I look at in retrospect and I realize, there is no answer to why, and that God doesn't hate me. Bad things happen all the time to everybody and God isn't here to prevent them, but rather to lessen the blow and carry us through them. Its neat really, I think about my life and just how the odds have basically always been against me but somehow, with the grace of God I have made it here and even though some days I hate it here, it is so apparent that here is where I need to be. God has meticulously placed me here and I know that just by the ministries he has placed me in. They are a perfect fit for the passions that are in my heart. The Punjabi youth group is amazing and the youth there are so fun - even though the numbers never exceed 6. Kidreach in Vancouver is amazing because its bus ministry and that is me. Life here isn't perfect - but when is life ever perfect? I'm basically just running on faith right now, but is that really a bad thing? I don't think so.

The end.. Or is it the beginning?

I would like to start off by talking about graduating a little bit. Gradding was phenomenal, I feel like throughout that year I grew the most. I learned so much more about myself and the people who surrounded me. It was very tough, figuring out what I wanted to do and just dealing with leaving the world I had known so very well. I had my moments where I was so stressed out, dealing with the rest of my life. Although I eventually decided I was going to go to bible college, I wasn't too sure if I was ready. When prom came around I was super excited, as this was an event I had been waiting for my whole life and it was fun, but the best part was getting ready for it. Then there was the commencement ceremony and I thought that would be extremely boring, but as surprising as it may be I had a blast. Walking across that stage felt amazing and reminiscing the night away at dry grad with all my friends was something I needed. It was the end of life as I knew it; the summer was dawning over me and all my fears and worries of the future somehow subsided and made way for me to enjoy my summer. Summer was absolutely fantastic, I embraced the sunny Kelowna beaches for all they were worth and got to know a different group of people. Once the summer came to an end it was time to go though, there was a college shower and then bam! I was off to this foreign land upon a hill. At first it was super hard to deal with. All these people I didn't know and being stuck on a hill with nothing around wasn't my idea of life. I worked through it though and have managed to make some of the most amazing people. When I came here I thought of every reason to leave but God kept giving me one solid reason to stay, Him. It's not so bad now; I love the classes so for the first time in my life I actually care about my grades, the friends I have made are people that I now realize are the type of people I have always needed in my life, and last of all, everyday I'm challenged. With these challenges I'm slowly learning to take them as they come and not to let them upset me but to embrace them with everything I have. So anyways, I'm excited about this. For some reason I want to say something cheesy referring to M:A for anyone who knows what that is, but I can't think of anything quite cheesy enough. So I shall leave you all with this: 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matt 6:34)
Embrace today guys, because with God, it really is only the beginning.
<3Sarah